It's time to...

It's so complicated for me to understand what I should do next. I know that I'm not very happy with what I am now but I also know that if I want another kind of life I need to leave the company. Well the problem is... I really enjoy what I am doing with all bits and bobs... All the argues and all its mess it makes it sometimes enjoyable. Today I've decided to finish what I have to do for myself and the others for some other time. I want to try to be better. I'm not the best friend in the world, I'm not the best family member in the world but today, today I want to fly away from helping the others and I will try to help myself. Today is the day when I will do what ever my thoughts will guide me. I might get to call someone, I might even fly to Romania. I will try though to stop loving Her. It's the last bit and it's simply impossible, almost impossible for me to do it. I want to buy a new car but nothing it's likely to impress me that much. I feel already the pain in the chest in because of the loneliness... No it's clear I made a huge mistake in my life... God forgive me and give me my life back otherwise I will go crazy...